If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
