Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
