I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
