Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
