im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
