I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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