My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
