i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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