It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
