I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
