He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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