My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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