Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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