you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
