She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
