but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
