Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
