I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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