when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
