the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
