We won't sleep together?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
