Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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