the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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