I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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