Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
