I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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