I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I fill condoms, not promises.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
