It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
