Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
