4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
