Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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