Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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