I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
