Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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