dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
