Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
