woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
