My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
