Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
