its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
