why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
