Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
