Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
