dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
