Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
