Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
