Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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