oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
