got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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