in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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